reality..is perception.

Destiny

2011-06-21T23:16:00.001+05:30

From Evernote:

Destiny

Anyone can achieve their fullest potential. Who we are might be predetermined; but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed, but it can be challenged. 'Every man is born as many men, and dies as a single one.- Martin Heidegger

Thoughts.

2011-06-04T09:54:00.001+05:30

From Evernote:

Thoughts.

"Nothing turns out the way you think it will, and just because you don't know how to handle something doesn't mean you aren't handling it right." Thought from Beginners

Hmm

2011-05-24T23:12:00.001+05:30

From Evernote:

Hmm

It's me and Tequila today. And the tequila is talking thru me:

"the fact of the matter is I don't know what I want, or maybe I do and I'm too scared to want it"

Pause, uncomfortable silence , another shot of tequila.

Realization- alcohol is very good "secret" agent.

Stanley Ka Dabba

2011-05-20T00:10:00.001+05:30

From Evernote:

Stanley Ka Dabba

I have no idea why I feel compelled to write a movie review of a movie I saw last friday with friends, a situation brought on by Heartman, who felt it necessary for me to be spending time between people rather than being OMO.

It's getting addictive-akin to a drug- all this fall cushioning! When will he let me nurse my wounds? When? How many times does he expect to bandage me?

And why can't I be allowed to fall and heal as many times- till I learn that I must learn to make friends with Gravity, stay on the ground, watch the roads, notice the boulders and walk "around" them and not into them. Also, if u a see a cliff, abyss turn around- don't fall off- keep those peepers open!

Basics! Heck- I never understood basics, and that's why precisely Blaise Pascal said- you always admire what you really don't understand.

Well, under the circumstances I doubt I can do justice to Stanley Ka Dabba...a film I saw in an average theater , filled with parents and kids at 22:45 - all seemingly excited despite the obvious bedtime issues.

While the movie does need a bit of tightening - it's made with an incredible amount of honesty and innocence. You know that the writer has felt every emotion , has captured a beautiful mind set (of the children) and made it so relatable that any one, absolutely any one, could relate to it.

What made me smile through out the watching of the movie - was the theater ambience itself...kids actually commenting, probably even living out the situation- it was like a movie made for them! Quiet a few were having active conversations with their folks during the movie about "khadoos", familiar friends and teachers- dabba experiences. It's was a rare feel.

And a good feel at that.

I really liked the movie- well mostly-from a critics point there were a few loose ends, but never mind those... It's just so heartwarming - and yes I did have tears at the end.

Go watch this- it's important that you do. Many thanks to Amole Gupte for this gem.

8/10 for me.

4 movies & dinner dates with Heartman

2011-05-11T20:12:00.001+05:30

From Evernote:

4 movies & dinner dates with Heartman

I caught up with a few movies over the last two weeks, some nice some not. And none of them left a solid impression on me.

Chalo Dilli was the first bet- partly becoz we saw it at 180 degrees option at BIG and it was pretty much the only movie they were showcasing at the late hour which we wanted. Comfy seats (180 degrees), a blankie to pull over, nice screen all made up for the cozy ambience- just the way I would like it for every possible movie (hint: notice how much I talk about ambience!)

So, coming to the movie part- distinctly "Due Date"ish .... I mean I could not even for a second forget that I was watching an inspired movie, pretty predictable in that sense. Thus, becomes hard for me to rate this for any shred of originality. Also, while, Robert Downey Jr and Zach Galifinakis made for a pretty decent act in the original, the story line was slap sticky and for me it was the actors that really lifted the whole charade; This time similarly ,the actors- particularly Vinay Pathak , did it for me.

Lara Dutta- was decent ( considering the stuff she has done earlier! ) and the only time she had me paying attention to her was when her character explained that she was an investment banker and told Vinay Pathak's character of exactly what she did in "English"- which even I could not fathom! I could have sworn she was enacting some advert professional earlier on in the movie :p

Then there was the Salman " Dabangg" Khan style entry of Akshay Kumar which was the other odd distraction.

Well, anyways- in sum and substance worth watching for Vinay Pathak- the story line modifications didn't grab me much. 6/10 for me.

Shor in the City, again much lauded in the media, but probably bcoz, it takes such a while before a decent or really good cinema comes by, that when something does comes close - you need to the appreciate effort.

To me, again a little under done, many loose ends in one of the main stories, strong performances by a few and predictable timelines and themes left an average impression. Don't get me wrong, it's a welcome change of a movie going by some real crap you come across, but it's just about allright.

Sendhil Ramamurthy makes for a huge eye candy- girls, he is easy on the eye and drool worthy!

And Pitobash, the nut case - Mandook, was a cracker performer.

Radhika Apte is a beauty and I hope she performs in many more movies to come.

6/10 for me.

Luv ka The End - a full on rip of John Tucker Must Die is a movie I really have nothing to say about. It caters to pre teens, has forgettable songs and okish acting skills. It's a flick and I will pass rating this one.

Fast Five or Fast and Furious 5 is very decent "flick", never been a fan of the genre, but I must admit this does wonders on a lethargic day. The action is sharp and crisp, stunts are awesome and it was cool to see Ludacris. The only weird bit was the final heist - stealing an entire money vault and dragging it thru the city and exchanging it midway for an empty one! Woah!

The picturization of Brazil was neat, and mainly the favelas were shot beautifully.

6/10 for me.

In memorium

2011-05-09T20:18:00.001+05:30

From Evernote:

In memorium

It's not been pretty lately, I've had difficulty comprehending life ferreting out the most absurd and cynical of situations.

For one thing, this time, I am not going to ask why. It's like flunking a test- you were not well prepared eod. Thus QED. In my case , I have not been strong enuf to handle situations. Just a loser who could not be brave enuf to accept eventualities ( death of a friend) and circumstance( situational adverse by product).

I think it's a cowards way to clam up, which is the only way I know-

I wish I could understand otherwise.

I wish I knew how to objectively handle emotions, I wish I could see clearly thru the fog....

I wish....

I keep wishing. The loser that I am. I don't even make sense to me.

Grief is such a overwhelming feeling. And I can do nothing about it...

Crave!

2011-03-21T17:55:00.001+05:30

From Evernote:

Crave!

Just two word cravings for me at the moment : David Yurman.

.....Heartman, you listening? : D

Phonecalls

2011-03-20T23:07:00.000+05:30

I found this article in the Fashion and Style section of the NYT most intriguing and symptomatic to our lives today. Maybe even so the fact that it was under that particular section...hmmm

Aptly titled "Don't call me, I wont call you" discusses the supposed dwindling use of voice calls, and a state of affairs where we apparently no longer like to communicate by talking to each other...well at least via phone calls. Phone calls are seemingly rude intrusions...coming up at times when you are probably checking out a website, typing our that sms or some such . It's my assumption that this is very particularly a Big City syndrome. NY, Mumbai even...

There is a phenom of taking phone call appointments now days...without which a phone call may not be answered, and god forbid you dont get to the gist of your communication within a minute, you can palpably gauge the irritation on the other side...and I suspect likewise when it is your turn to be the listener....
Facebook, SMS, BB Chat ...seem to be adequate as are emails...

I am ambivalent on my stance here, while I do fall into the category of people who would rather be left OMO, than be subject to lengthy convos with plenty of segues...but I always imagined this to be one of the deteriorations of my human(e) side, and its something I am trying to get out of...I felt my vigilante style of being out of touch made me safer and more composed and was mostly an act of cocooning myself from things I did not wish for or think about.
When folks draw the line between whats acceptable and whats not....and remind you that it's only secluding and isolating you to the point of it being offensive...is when I woke up. I definitely figured out that I needed to lunge ahead from this comatose aspect and very unhealthy aspect, albeit slowly.

And then, I read this article today and realize, heck...everyones at it!
Fundamentally, communication is one of the factors that had made us evolve from a "single cellular" life form to such an entity which is responsible for so much development and destruction...communication is what makes us amusing to anyone watching the human progress some where out there....I mean if I was watching me/us... from somewhere out there...or I happen to be a sitcom on God's TV show...I would imagine our lives to be one hell of a Charlie Sheen ride...amusing just like Two and Half Men.

But seriously...what are we becoming? Why do we feel this innate need to stop communicating, why are we going back to the cave man era? Apart from getting calls from our absolute near and dear ones , we have fairly excommunicated ourselves or at least have those ideas....."Dont call me, dont want to hear from you and I wont call and you wont hear from me".
I wonder at times if we are taking our need for PRIVACY...to whole new ridiculous level. I would ( and this after a lot of thot) would love to feel the persons emotions over a voice call rather than try to figure out what a person is thinking over an email. To me , its easy to size up a situation when you actually "hear" someone ( given a situation that you probably cant see the person, which would be even better).

But, I sort of sit down and try to figure this out and I realize its really about the "out balance" situation our lives are subject to.
Look at all the "sales" calls we receive, all the unnecessary request to apply for a credit card or insurance and what not. If working the phones at work is not enough , our 24/7 lives are at the mercy of being at the beck and call of those all important "client" calls or business deals which can come thru at "any time", maybe the Boss has something to discuss ....the list is endless. The point being, all this incessant calling leaves us with s little "me" or family time.
It's irritating when the Husband has to be on some lengthy con-call on our annual holiday or if I happen to have hours of work to plug in just on the very day the husband and I have a Date Nite lined up....
You get the drift right...and herein lies the problem of drawing the line ...Mom/Dad/Family/select friends...are more important than any work place issue and having "decent" conversations is way more important ...to "them" and us too...it is what keeps us plugged into the "being human" process/progress or situation...call it what you want
Hearing a happy chuckle or maybe a few sniffs are all a part of living well and living sane.
It is after all what has evolved us.

But I also take the stance of crossing out crossing out meaninglessness-value add is not such a bad buzz word after all...But we need to ask ourselves the question, what is it that adds value to our lives? Is aloofness, solitary confinement the answer to any problem?
NO.

-----------

I finished part two of the Millennium Trilogy-The Girl Who Played With Fire...and I cant imagine the number of inspirations drawn from Lisbeth Salander...our adult, very modern ( Swedish to boot!) Lara Croft...lots of typecasts lately.
I like her, I like the notion of a misfit woman ( guess I have mentioned this earlier). I guess I just love a good dark horse theme.
I am already excited about reading the last part....

------------

Was listening to Josh Groban over the weekend...I like his classical takes, he is an interesting listen, but I dont quiet know how much I am going to end up listening to him.
He is good...I'm just not so sure how good an audience I am...well, at least for the time being.

"Need You Now"

2011-03-17T00:31:00.001+05:30

From Evernote:

Untitled Note

Carino, eres todo para mi....

Heartman ,I miss you.....this ones for you

Need You Now - Lady Antebellum

Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor

Reaching for the phone 'cause I can't fight it anymore

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door

Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before

And I wonder if I ever cross your mind

For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm a little drunk and I need you now

Said I wouldn't call but I've lost all control and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now

Woah, woah

Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now

And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now

And I don't know how I can do without

I just need you now, I just need you now

Oh baby, I need you now

Country Music and Mumbai Musings

2011-03-15T22:39:00.002+05:30

From Evernote:

Country Music and Mumbai Musings

I cant say I've been inclined to Country music, but over the last couple of years there is some good stuff going on and its the kind of stuff that I am liking...

Lately, The Zac Brown Band and Lady Antebellum are doing it for me and I am pleasantly pleased with what I end up feeling right now I am struggling to keep my cynical self at bay as I write this and I'm getting so damn tempted to go blame my mellowed sentimentalities over the years...its age...NO!!! but it aint...really...I love the simplicity of the music ...everyday aspirations,purity of thought, no complex emotion--- common man dreams ...it works, and it works well for me.

I dont wanna critique the once in a while feel good feeling...

And honestly,anything that makes me moon about Heartman, is definitely hitting the right buttons...as aptly sung in the drunk call "Need You Now" , the song which won Lady A the Grammy this year.

Both the bands seem to have good harmonies, decent story lines, but if I had to choose between the two - Zac Brown cuts it for me, the Band has far more depth, humor, edginess and experimentation....and importantly guitar work. I like a guy who can work the guitar...

*******

Given the dour settings of the day, I needed a bit more intellectual stimulation than what was being offered.

It's almost maddening when plans change last minute...So, got around reading Aravind Adigas 'Last Man in the Tower' ... evidently part of his Mumbai musings. Last one of this sort came up in the Mint a while ago( probably referenced it in one of my November 2010 notes) ...I did like it, so this too did appeal to me in a way.

But, as with music- I'm stuck in a bit of a dilemma of choosing between sentiments.

I am proponent of realism, that's the way I like my stories told to me, straight up...but then at times it feels a bit much---all this realism overdosing. One wishes something akin to a holiday, to sort of ease off on mild abrasion, or the mundane, melancholy ...some time we need elevators in the form of magic realism fantasy or believable humor that can almost charm us thru...anything but the right here , right now scene.

So, while I can appreciate the craft of the particular story telling, I can't quite get myself to enjoy the art. So while his Man Booker winning White Tiger was really good, another glum, all feely look at Mumbai may be disenchanting for me at the moment.

I do like Arvind Adiga as a writer, but I would like to see him try a different trick on me...I am all for tricks ...newbies excite me. But the usual routing, a slight dampener.

***********

On a parting thought why do I keep coming across picturesque Rajasthan in so many of the touristy brochures as a staple for everything India????

Heck...there is so much more than palaces and camel rides , and deserts to the country...

Jaywalking in my mind.

2011-03-13T23:31:00.001+05:30

From Evernote:

Jaywalking in my mind.

Mumbai is certainly not pedestrian friendly- one cant amble around for inspiration, or walk around without rushing about- there is a very distinct and overbearing sense of this being a commercial , no nonsense, ruthless in ways -aura.

There are no quaint corners for a quick coffee/ tea/ croissant or a quirky art gallery where the world does not throng to...what I mean we have a few of them, but is no adventure or exclusiveness or hideouty feel to any of the existing ones. And for certain the city has no single, on my own, doing my thing kind of culture....by that I mean, I really can't be out at places on my own, without feeling odd.

And it's really sad-

A city becomes culturally vibrant when it encompasses and facilitates all variety of individuals, cultures, art forms... I think its understood that we have long way to go here.

And then this is just one of the "trivialities" of daytime.

The city takes on a particularly gloomy look as the sun goes down- as the evening progresses, the cement jungle seems even more bleaker...and lonelier

The supposed nightlife seems a bit imposed and mundane. I suppose being so close to such myriad reality is like doing one too many shots in the nights and one does not know what to believe.

As I drive down most days- I can't fathom any feeling - I just see people going about their daily lives, winding up another hard fought day....the fight could be anything from wanting to sink into that size zero LBD or figuring out how to sell those cheap toys at the traffic signals to the baba log in the car or that hoping the markets next day would make the personal portfolio sing...

Seriously, there is so much thinking and working towards that nothing seems easy nor do people seem at ease.... nothing is good enuf.

I conclude it's a bit easy to weather the day and bear the rising temperatures, but the nights are tough...placid but tough. It's a mental game.

*************

I just got done with part I of Stieg Larsson's The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

Its my first mystery novel in a really long time, or rather one which I have enjoyed after a very long time. I liked the character sketches , liked the story line ( ok I admit, I've not read many Swedish themes) and especially the protagonist- this uber different girl ...strangely relatable misfit. I also liked the leisurely pace of the introduction and story line and the engaging and griping build up of the finale.

I've for one have not had this much reading in a long time. This is definitely a super read. And think it's a 7.5/10 for me.

Caught between the Budget and the Oscars

2011-03-03T15:48:00.001+05:30

From Evernote:

Caught between the Budget and the Oscars

Nothing feels better than good ol post work out sweat - especially after a really beat day, when the choice was between watching The Oscars or The Budget at work.

But in this day and age- who listens to the heart? No, seriously- when you get to being 30+ it's a tough choice. I suppose, one eventually comes around doing stuff... the operative word being " eventually", but the "Right Now" belongs all the way to rationale.

It's a tough life, and miss being in college, I'm mean, not in the way of being younger- but in they way of definitely wearing my heart on my sleeve.

-----

So, I was to review Forbes Life- a magazine I picked up on impulse this Sunday. My first flip thru impression- definitely a "Monocle"ly feel...

Now, I've never read a Forbes Life before, so can't judge it relatively, but it's got this pseudo intellectual, pseudo simplistic aura generated around it.

It has this snob demeanor , but not In a crude way, but has this sort of your snooty, elegant snob feel...

Gone thru it's so called varied articles, and so far Amruta Patil is the only one that's got me interested ( I've read her graphic novel Kari and I thot it to be nice)... So this Atlantis theme based story was interesting.

But so far, it's the only thing that I've liked.

Flashback-

I'd seen this one in a few book stores before, but was always put off by it's "trying too hard to be intriguing " theme of "The First Immortals", wot ever I'm supposed to synthesize thru that? Or for the supposedly alluring cover .

This time round, when I saw it again, I said- what the heck, let's give it a try.

By and By I was not impressed, much stuff u already know.

On the whole the mag was a drag.

I'm not so sure I'm going to go in for my next copy. Maybe I can use the bulky copy for my next weights session :D

I really , really wish there was more real and less pretentious writing in the magazines that we come across now a days. Most of them come across as sassy adverts or picture book.

**********************************

On a separate note...finally found time to start reading Stieg Larsson's Millennium Trilogy, its just been a few pages so far and I'm already hooked.

I'm also looking up on the Granta Magazine, so there is hope in all the mindlessness I was referring to in my last post

Mall Walk

2011-02-27T17:27:00.001+05:30

From Evernote:

Mall Walk

For one I'm happy that the one day which does excruciatingly reminds you of your age- is now finally behind. The spots lights are off, so is the hangover wearing off, and everyones gone home; Except me of course- I'm where I shud be in somewhereville in a land called home. It's pleasant weather at somewhereville at the moment, so a good time to rest it out before the storm clouds gather for a thunderous jam session around 18:00hrs on this expectedly predictable Sunday.

Whoever thinks that Sundays are a relief, are gravely mistaken. Probably they are tone/tune/ deaf in general to Monday, which usually announces it's arrival or it's upcoming arrival 6 hours in advance when the soundless dirges begin....and that's pretty much when it starts to pour.

Can't comprehend? Just ask Heartman- he knows painfully well, my Sunday charade.

-----

Well, for a change went for a stroll around a nearby mall, and as always was tired of seeing the endless choices and lack of any value...any consumable has the same story.

I walk into a popular book store and well- miles and piles of book abound, but never ever the ones I want. So I ask if I can order one thru their dial a book service, and I'm told of the month long wait for the same.

Bummer!

The children's section is/ was my favorite.....untill recently ofcourse. What's with all the stories from grimville? Dark genre is virtually everywhere- like either half the population is reading about vampires or stories from necropolis or something or the other on witches and warlocks- and this is not Harry Potter included.

I rarely see traditional writing- it's almost rare to find a decent Enid Blyton or any such.

Nonetheless, I did manage to scavenge some stuff- will review the Fobes Life mag soon, picked up some decent animation movies....so, so much for the mandatory spend.

But let me be honest really- my problem is social media, and I'm trying to detox a little. Which is really why I walked into a book store. FB and Twitter...I have absolutely nothing against them, except the fact that things especially like Twitter- are additive, some of my favorite "tweeple" are there - and I'm addicted to refreshing my phones often!

But the flip-side, the problem with social networking , 24/7 media and other such stimulated distractions is that they infallibly prevent us from living our own stories. Being constantly glued on to views and happenings all around us and, often an uncanny sense of life passing bay is felt.

So, I thot it would be a great idea to walk into a book store and get "intellectually stimulated" to read.

Hell no! All I see is Vampires and Witches, no shortage of those in real life and can't escape them now in prose.

"sucks" !

A little late ...but with good intention.

2011-02-21T00:26:00.001+05:30

From Evernote:

A little late ...but with good intention.

Its definitely been a while since I wrote, probably because I was thinking or trying to think of a way I can do this whole business better. By business I do mean reasoning and finally taking that trip which is long due.

I think I am ready- but stuck trying to 'time' this thing. Stuck is probably my bête noire and I know deep down I have to loose it.

It's not a matter of how any longer but when.

It's a weird moment in life when you sort of realize that some dreams you thought were the ultimate pinnacle of your life if they came true- were nothing but baloney when they did, and then you hope you dreamt differently- it's all sort of complex now, there is no going back- but there is at-least the possibility of taking chances of re dreaming and trying to make that come true.

With age this acute sense of 'ive got to fix this' creeps in.

I suppose- one can look life in it's face, call spade a spade - admit of having the wrong idea and living on the wrong context and kick start on to the desired course. And I know that is something I'm gunning for.

This trip is important to reaffirm my faith, I am hoping that ultimately peace of the emotional mind is greater than the practical one.

........

Its been a dry spell for me musically, but I'm hoping to catch up on Eminem and Lady Antebellum soon, will review those out in a few days.

Also, loved watching Biutiful and Yeh Sali Zindagi.

Hopefully, will be doing more writing now.

Really Random

2010-12-14T23:44:00.001+05:30

Gosh...it seems like its been for ever.
I suppose, this year, in a way, has been like that. So many things were thought of amid so many things happening. It always seems like it's taking so much time or sometimes never enough.

Its curious this inspiration....like a river that flows through lands. Or is all dried up , leaving in its wake not a single live thought. We - for whom it's the periodical dry season-pray to the rain gods or powers that be to deliver them from the naught.

So, I am still waiting.

Mercury has fallen, it's a pleasant chill that is mildly numbing the persistent edginess.
Sort of like expectations aligning with reality...I feel far closer to the ground.
What next?
What indeed.

No, I can't

2010-11-16T01:20:00.000+05:30

Sometimes a long lost song plays in your head… you can't lose it. You lost it when you shouldn’t have, and now when you want to, you cant---it’s a strange thing.

I realize there are a lot of things “I cant”…like the control of strange on set of emotions that are completely random and out of order. Or possibly control the urge to do something that the head wants but the heart desires else.

So, the head wanted to see the social network…but the heart ended up being home and watching The Bands Visit (an amazing treat, nonetheless).

And then I also realized that one cant fight funny associations…like emptiness and the presence of luxury in your atmosphere…its true.

Pretty and expensive things can be empty or hollow at the least.

Sometimes the “cant’s” in life are like the foxes trying to outrun the hounds …just an attempt to escape the inevitable.

The cant’s sometimes feel friendly- as in the vein of manipulating confidence in the guise of being a friend. Now this “cant” friend is familiar for a long time- or from long ago…two different things for sure.

Importantly though, the bottom line with “cant” is that you make one mistake…and any other day wont matter.

I was reading this article by Aravind Adiga’s on Love and Loathing in Bombay..and yes it was a true to heart...a few things stayed with me, like the part when he talks about how at 16 when a boy lies down to sleep thinking “ when I wake up, I will be taller and stronger”….me - I’m on this trip everyday . There is always hope – a hope that when I close my eyes , I shall wake up happier, focused and smarter. A hope that may be I shall have all the answers I shall need.

Hope! Bah! Humbug!

2010-11-05T11:28:00.000+05:30

The best part about festivals…is that they usually symbolize good beginnings and good tidings and thus make for perfect starts and re-starts.

I’m not complaining, with no manual book to life… we all are broadly experimenting; Sometimes things work …sometimes they don’t. I suppose we all could do with our imaginary correction pens and have the ability to over write , or make “right”…whatever we can. It’s a fair affair I suppose. The fact is that we are all blind in our own ways, rummaging in darkness knowing so little.

There is always hope if you can perceive it.

2010-10-23T23:31:00.000+05:30

Its been an interesting-the past 90 days or so...my surgery is over. I'm "almost" back to normal life I am none the wiser..but clearly thinking more-its difficult to judge "quality" of the thinking between the mood swings and high patches, but at least, the old grey cells are showing signs of electrical activity!

some relief that is I suppose.

Much of my defenses are down, mostly worn away by the incessant weakness that physically plagued me, so I feel almost naked and devoid of any facades and walls built up over the years have been broken.
I'm not sure if I feel free or I feel fear or is it the overwhelming sense at having to rebuild once again -almost everything from scratch.
The old battle that rages -personal happiness over professional, does not have a logical moralistic conclusion. Like Don Draper- it is attracted to the decision that makes me feel intellectually and emotionally younger.
You can guess my conclusion now.

What I do know , is my battle with my self is over and I don't foresee a war on the horizon. Its easier to shut my eye and dig deeper-sleep deeper.

I am not picking up the pieces any more- I'm lying in my hammock between two trees near the ocean between now and forever...with a paintbrush in one hand and a pencil in the other.

50% down on Audio and here comes James Franco

2010-09-05T22:17:00.000+05:30

Nothing feels better than a good old sweet after a decent game of tennis... really, helps settle the thoughts...and set you straight for a few seconds.
I can live with that for the moment.

Lots of things over the weekend but the personalized LV...tops the luxe do of the week for me. Letting go of the Tom Ford Butterfly, big miss. Maybe the next time for sure.

Then there is the going back to basics on the "get your self in the better know" scheme of things that is underway - Ruskin Bond and some of his writings- are pretty much happening hence.
I'm also sort of trying to get to get hold of AJ Jacobs -My Life as an Experiment.
I'm a big fan of whatever he write-so this ones is on my must have list.

Ok, I've been thinking about James Franco...yes -this has gone a bit beyond my last post, he has stayed with longer than I thought. Must be the alcohol...I've been doing lately (:p).

No, Seriously! This is one dude doing tons of stuff and loving every moment- and I'm talking about beyond the job of being a Movie Star.
Sure he looks neat...what even more neater is that apart for this he is a "perpetual and enthusiastic graduate student" at Columbia, Film Student at the NYU, recently got himself into Rhode Island for Design...wow! I mean all this in between a Job of being an almost A-List star. It simply is fascinating.

*I'm almost envious- how many of us can all what we want to ?
Now, I have a huge list...rolls into pages and pages....and they do nothing but age... along with me.
At the least you have to credit the guy with massive enthusiasm for life.

I like his story.
I lust at the inspiration.
I like the thought of Freedom- the choice to be who you are and be everything you want to be and more. And...I like the word More.

I'm trying to dabble with something...bout there being No Path?- Mad Men has often made me thing and this is a bubbling view, now that its been many times with the Emmy's for them.
The thought is ...that there is No persistent Moral Code or Center
...Esq. thank you for putting it in words.
Is it pleasant at times to think that our gen is probably much screwed up than our forbearers...troubling, insight.
Past is never the past...it catches up with us, sooner or later.

I also have an another theme- trusting counter intuition. This one for another day.

(*Dude- just dont screw up now ok ? Now that I'm sorta admiring you !)

3 Movies and a Blank

2010-08-30T23:51:00.000+05:30

Blanks are interesting…look, tonight, its made me make a small Ketel One Oranje- one ice , and a slice of that citrus…a sip and I’m groovy all over.

Then there is James Franco looking straight thru the covers of a magazine….

I could be in heaven, but it's raining outside….seems the skies are making it a habit with me, they tear apart, just when I’m trying to fill in the spaces….I suppose the more the twists and turns, the better the tale.

So, how does it feel to be wide awake in a dream….?

…intense,

maybe.

------

I caught up with a few movies recently…Salt, Date Night .....

These two didn’t leave much of an impact so I'm going to go with 5/10 for both. No make that 5.25/10 for Date Night and that’s a 1.25 points only for a shirtless Mark Whalberg…seriously, there is nothing much else… Tina and Steve should have been electrical…but strangely I saw no magic…and with no magic, well…u know how it goes....

Salt- aims at being the female version of James Bond, I don’t think the movie makers succeeded ….I was awfully hurting thru out the movie.

Nuff said there.

I saw Expendables too- Why? I really dunno, but I think I lost a bet to Heartman...it was pretty much amnesia after that. no points here, I cant rate what I dont remember...right ?

Then there was Benny and Joon....I still have that movie lurking in my mind.

1993 make with Johnny Depp, Aidan Quinn, the lovely Julianne Moore and Mary Masterson.

This is a story of a mentally ill girl finding her love in an equally quirky guy.

The movie showcases Johnny in good element individually ...and I wish I had come across this act earlier.

I suppose though that this one is not for everyone..., the slow romance, ability to relate mostly to Benny ( Joons care taking Brother- Aidan), the overall "too cuteness", the color palette with it's mostly balmy yellow and brown tones...sleepish... the loosely strung story line...I could go on...

But what is for everyone on display is the craft of Mr. Depp....in his chaplinesque physical comedy version.

This is a 6.5/10 for me

----

127 Hours...Im counting to the release.

-----

I do not know, how easy it is to remain engaging every second of the day...especially when you are a whole bundle of various engagements.

It's a lot to ask, and tiresome at best...just being is probably the most enticing part.

Quick and constant thrills...Kill.

2010-08-12T11:35:00.000+05:30

The problem with most Indian movies is that they tend to pack in too many emotions and want to overwhelm you…almost to the point of being submerged…and that takes away the high, rush or excitement you many feel for a theme. Subtly done -"other" emotions apart from key concept are all right, but a collage of feelings…is getting you no where.
And, that is just one of my paramount problems with "Once Upon a Time in Mumbai".

My other issue is it being all style and little lesser substance….I mean there is no point in getting my attention with an attractive package if you are going to disappoint me with contents…. -I am eventually going to get disappointed. So,sure Mumbai, was a grim place in the 70's/ 80's…but I din't quite perceive that thru the movie…didn't feel the edginess, or the nerves watching the rise and fall of a Robin Hood gangsta or the rise and rise of a brazen, notorious don. Nothing here really awed me to be honest, nothing seemed new in conceptual treatment…where the police were meek or colluding and criminals were the real rockstars!! Heck noway! Done to death here.

On the histrionics front, only two names stood out – Ajay Devgn and Randeep Hooda, who are in good form…others felt uncomfortable or struggling in their respective roles.
I'm not sure wot to make of in-between movies : am I supposed to get caught up in the sentimental emotions between the lovers ? delve in the troubled era? or be caught up in clever tricks of the mobsters ? Truth is, I felt glossed over.
I don't have a penchant for confusion for sure…but, nonetheless this probably felt a like a better movie from the stuff Bollywood has been doling out so far this year.

Worth a watch once, if you have particularly no choice or are a fan of Devgn, who is nice to watch, or Hooda who is being good in the art and easy on the eye.

5.5/10 for me here. ( mostly for the two guys)

Aisha- Airheaded, Abhay Deol ( Drool, Drool), Insipid, Shallow, Abhay Deol ( Drool , Drool), Breezy ( in parts), Abhay Deol ( Drool, Drool) Fun ( in parts), bearable, Abhay Deol ( Drool, Drool), Classy ( loved all the Gucci's LV's, Diors, Chanel's on display)…loved the spoilt brat theme, Abhay Deol ( Drool, Drool).

4.5/10- for me.

Of Rains, Disillusionment and Inception

2010-07-27T23:01:00.002+05:30

The best part of my day is usually the night- the all enveloping darkness the haunting silence -broken only by the rain, pouring away , and flodding me with as much hope and hopelessness that my mind can hold and then ....give the imagination wings to fly me out there some where….to drench my being ….and as I look up to the skies…I can see it all give away….

-----
Experience, to me, has finally enabled the idea that not only is Disillusionment quiet potent, but is unshakable to an extent. Circumstances and environment have to change dramatically to alter the state of mind. Mostly, either our understanding of some ground fundamentals has gone awry or one has simply peaked the extent of growth or out lived the happiness of an idea. Maybe- its time to move on to the next level of engagement -with no guarantees of immutability.

I was hoping my time away will give me some space to ponder on my views, and I realize that nothing , not a bit has changed, I can think clearly, but the clear thought is similar to the foggy idea I had previously…like a gut becoming a conviction.
The downtime has now been recorded as a mind’s vacation…have come back only to the same platform, to catch the same train, albeit over a nights rest. I suppose, I still feel strong, though less abstractly.
----------

Over the weekend…saw Inception. Since it appeals to my very obvious love for the abstract and metaphysical, I admit, I enjoyed the movie.
Ok, let me explain, enjoyment…more like a child enjoying a joy-ride or enjoying unraveling a puzzle. Plus, this is made by Christopher Nolan a guy who handles plots majestically, more than the intellectual stimulation which is often expected from a surreal concept, this one ignited the thrill of massive giant wheel ...almost Matrixy in feel.
What I did like in plenty were the various notions used in developing the story and “rules” of inception- the dream levels ( and the time it felt in each), the kick concept that revives one from a dream ( something I admit to have perceived ) , Limbo status, dream intrusions , the dream architect conceptualizing - folding cities (wow!), projections of the subconscious, un-constructed dream space….
Loads of gimmicks your mind has to toy around with, noir-ishly.
What this does tell you, also, is that here you have the probability of a franchise creation in the lines of Harry Potter and the like, should the talented Mr. Nolan decide.
However, the downside is the undeniable lack of theme genuinity … did this make me think deeper?, delve my psyche ? Explore the possibility of blurring reality and dreams…and my answer is NO.
I’m a fan of Mr. Nolans’ work and his grandiose treatment of a subject in a subtle manner…I like it when my mind is compelled to think simultaneously in many directions…plunged into chaos only to realize the need of it all…like Memento or Insomnia or have my belief reinstated in the “Dark Knight”. Inception, unfortunately, just missed the right bus on this one.

Despite some misgivings, Mr. Nolan ....still left me with intrigue of the spinning top in the end....was Cobb still in the dream?

Of the characters I fancied, Joseph Gordon Levitt ( Arthur ) + Tom Hardy ( Eames)… were awesome and matter of fact…
Leornardo Di Caprio, had a Teddy Daniels like feel from Shutter Island, much bearable here than Shutter Island.

This is a 7/10 for me

Haitus

2010-06-01T15:41:00.000+05:30

Summer Solstice

2010-05-11T00:50:00.000+05:30

I like it now days when the daylight extends longer than what it used to-- a few months back. Just a little bit more of warmth before it gets , well-metaphorically, cold again…

They says it’s the summer solstice, but I like to believe…that we do not need any definition for recognition. The common is uncommon only because of the way you perceive.

To me, the longitivity of the summer glow…makes every conclusion that much more logical…especially when so many finalities are just around the bend. It is that much comforting to know that the eyes can gaze reality a little bit longer, before the world dims…and slowly fades for hours into that oblivion of man made luminosity, where you indeed do sense brightness…but can not fathom any radiance or veracity.

Then, encased in our conditioned fortifications…which have many a name , we engage with the ever eloquent and masquerading Quiet, covertly yearning for the tranquility of every day bustle.

Its all very strange indeed.

God's Poker Game

2010-05-05T16:03:00.001+05:30

"God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players, to being involved in an obscure and complex version of poker in a pitch dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time."... TP

Life never made so much sense to me...like it did today.

Happy and Very Sad

2010-05-03T12:44:00.001+05:30

some days make profound sense...and then there are days ...

2010-04-30T01:04:00.001+05:30

Its been a bit spaced out lately...with very little on my mind subjectively...just the very immediate.

There is also this realization in very objective terms...that our needs and wants are always different and distinct.

So, till I shake this fuzzy feeling, I am just gonna tell it like I see it ... tomorrow cud be another day and I could feel energetic. Thats obviously a maybe.

Esquire has this really nice observation on today's culture....It sure is strange how charm and likability can be found amongst those feigning grieving and pining!!

Really ! I mean, just look around you, the"Wimpy Kid" rules. Leading examples include pouting lips ( rob pattinson) and forever crying (john mayer).

If weakness ever had its moment...this is it.

You turn on TV, for instance, and every confessional has a weep session .... Singers cry...Dancers cry...even Comedians ...Everyone seems to be moved.

The victim stance...it helps with the TRP's I suppose. Real Life is no different at all

So where has masculinity and bravado disappeared? Show me a hero not a moaning myrtle.

There is always a gimmick going on these days.

Take the simple case of eyeglasses...they are medical devices per the FDA. Of course, if you really compare it to "medical devices" like blood sugar meters and x-ray machines...the eye glasses come across as fashionistas.

There are so many around doing the same thing, but looking different. The frames ....they don't do a thing to you technically...but yet walk down a street and notice the "glasses"...silent personality cue cards. Round, Rectangular, Square...maybe a trapezoid even....who knows? :D Enhanced with UV protection or photo-chromatic and anti fog...wow! Are we talking of Eye wear here or a Car??

There was a time when, it sort of make u a bit clumsy having them on...maybe gave you an aura of vulnerability and goofy' ism'...today, its Hip...it enhances confidence ( depending in degrees of "in" style hierarchy )

Dogs have them too!!!

Well, ok...they not vision correctors, but shades...still...

Dapper, Geek, Modish...or maybe Dame Edna, there is one for every personality...and why forget the encrusted ones?...feathers, rubies...crocodile skins !!! Go Figure.

Blues and Butterflies and San Francisco on a Toothpick!

2010-04-13T00:50:00.002+05:30

The Harmonica, was not particularly my favorite musical instrument-for a really long time and I reckon that has probably got to do with having got one to try out really young albeit never being to make anything but a cacophonous tooting , much to the dismay of the Dad!
But things changed, as they often do...when I heard Oh, Susannah--a song famously associated with the California Gold Rush ( written by Stephen Foster).
Now, the Gold Rush, by itself was an interesting phenomenon...I actually learnt about it first from one of the Bugs Bunny, Elmer Fudd cartoons!
And of course, growing up...history was never as much fun as it was with Bugs!
...But something about the tune ( as also the song, but more the tune...lingered in my mind…) And that one wistful melody...sort of introduced me to blues then jazz..and the rest is history!
I remember asking Dad, how could a tune be happy and sad at the same time, I mean thats how the tune touched me... welcome to the Blues he said!

I caught them early, I guess...the Blues.

The song is playing in my mind...And I'm still grappling with a few thoughts... I guess happy and sad can get together in harmony in a song...its probably easy for them , a song is a neutral base, and not a catalyst for any fireworks.
It's a different thing all together when you are human.
Both emotions together, sort of keep you mixed up...

----
Its difficult when you are hard wired to practicality, but softwared with a heart that is footloose and fancy free...the definition of happiness then is in such a constant state of flux...
Sometimes, you want to chase that butterfly...it's so pretty...run away with it...in the fields...vast are golden...amongst trees...lush with green...and beautiful...clear blue sky....
If only your legs were not tied with a limited string....that will make you run only so far...and then no more...call you back...pull you back ....

----------------

I read about a very interesting dude : Scott Weaver, now here is a guy ...who didnt let his passion die.
Now, what can you do with a whole lot of match sticks??? probably not much.... I mean you and me.
But Scott Weaver, he can build you the replica of the Golden Gate Bridge!!
Seems he just could not stop his fancy! And what he started as a whim when 17, he just kept going on...!
He put 3000 hours and a 100000 toothpicks to create his master piece---the entire city of San Francisco!! Now thats what I call a passionate obsession!!

...

2010-04-08T23:06:00.004+05:30

The lights go out .
it's a bit dark tonight
...more darker than usual...

Maybe ...
I should think...
Maybe...
I should walk...

I walk...
In the dark
its peculiar ...

Maybe...
vision and cohesion
is lost...and fading
and numbing

mirages of the night...
maybe...
I fear...

....the cold the darkness brings...
... the hounds that bay in the winds
winds...that blow not gentle
but harsh within....

Me.

Full of Glee at not having to to go gaga over Clash of the Titans

2010-04-06T00:04:00.001+05:30

I've been hearing a lot about Glee ( TV Serial) ever since it began to air on Fox last year. In the beginning I was not sure if I needed another singing and dancing routine to keep me sedated with a stupid grin on my face. I really did not need another teen drama ( considering there is soooooooo much teen drama in the adult " real "world we live in).

Mad Men was very interesting because I suppose it was intelligent and reflective, but did I need another complex drama on the "deep" ( read : convoluted) human relations, mixed with ruminations on work and life...? Erm... I dunno...So I kind of took a back seat...got back to the books and the usual riff - raff...till I had a calling!

Glee, came to me by surprise....I had nothing better to do one fine day, had the DVD around Heartman's table....picked it up...plugged it in...and I don't recall anything after that.

Glee is something that made me happy as a puppy...sometimes a bit sad...then it made me very happy as a puppy again :D. It gave me a good high... as good as one could get on a passive euphoric level ( whatever that is!)..

Glee, is as it is very commonly described, is a High School Musical meets American Idol jamboree...in fact its pilot was pegged to the American Idol finale last year. But unlike the HSM and AI...this is not all that syrupy or mushy or "soft".
Yes, it is a High School series but in a more relevant and exuberant kinda way...
It has strong satire, realistically placed sentimentality ( often very little of it)....the characters completely identifiable and is very good for the morale ( come to think of it, you can believe things are possible with all that serotonin running wild!).
This one is completely out to make you make you happy....the music ( the main feature) is awsome! wonderfully rendered ( sometimes in a different format/context etc) by a bunch of amazingly talented kids. I mean, I found my self singing every single I could sing to...

There is nothing really very original about this one, but there is so much original heart and soul and Its not overbearing......that's my favorite aspect.

The cast is totally cute and totally talented! Rachel Berry ( Lea Michele), Finn ( Cory Monteith), Mercedes Jones ( Amber Riley), Kurt (Chris Colfer)...are very impressive with their own personality quirks.
The adults of the show...played by Mathew Morrison ( Will Shuester ) and Jayma Mays ( Emma)...are quite good.

The show has a good balance as it focuses on every ones lives...the teens and the adults...it keeps the balance. The performances ( singing and the dancing bit) had me get up and groove for a long time.
I really like this one. That's why I saw 13 episodes back to back :D

It seems there is more amazing music on the way with the next season incorporating Madonna , Lady Gaga...

------

Over the weekend, I also saw Clash of The Titans, an attempt at a remake in my opinion, its advancement is more technical...and one could probably expect that...now that we can do stuff like Avatar!
If you like some adrenalin boost via some vivid action ( albeit computer generated) and some good ol' eye candy ( Sam Worthington /Gemma Artherton/ Alexa Devalos)... this is your movie.
The only guy, who probably impressed me with acting skills was Ralph Fiennes ( who some how gave me a Harry Potter De ja vu in his particular role of Hades!)

Would I watch it ? Probably read a book on Greek mythology....but if not handy and if I'm feeling the urge for my FX fix...then maybe yes...but then again... I could probably just watch it to ogle a Sam Worthington ( that a legit reason right? ).

Its 4.5/10 for me.

i'm kind o getting intrigued by how "The A Team" is going to come around...this was one of my favorite TV drama's as a kid... I only wonder. Well...if its anything... there is Bradley Cooper...at least the movies gonna look good :D.
-------------------

Snopes is an interesting website...it aims at demystifying urban legends! More on this one soon.

Tripping.

2010-04-01T10:56:00.000+05:30

Sometimes there is so much on my mind…I just don’t know where to begin…or how to start. Like today, I woke up feeling the after effects of Pregastar (and that was not the best of starts to have) went to work like a zombie, with batteries so drained out though the muscle pain was almost gone (which was huge relief. Honestly, I tried to stay away from taking my prescription for a while…but the pain was far too intense and bothersome that for the sake of just feeling normal…had to take the medication)

I spent the day at work pretty much counting the hours when I could just go home. That was around 4pm today. As you can imagine, I pretty much stretched myself on the counting bit. I got home...feeling so tired that if I saw my bed, I could just go to sleep…deep sleep which would make me forget that I needed to board a flight tonight. So, in a sense I was pretty glad that Mom and KP came over, they bought some food and merriment, which helped. I sorted out all of Heartman’s documents and sorted out my bag…I still had to pack my stuff…which is like basically just 10% of my suitcase (which is incidentally and intentionally is small so I can avoid temptation of various sorts and teach my self frugality, simplicity and living with little!!...High hopes I have on training the “Shopaholic” mind of mine. And all of this usually kicks in only when I travel. I have no control when on home turf…and usually all this determination wears off the minute I spot something sooo very appealing …and it pretty much calls out to me and my wallet!)

Notice how much I talk between the brackets…never a part of the full “official” text but so much to say “ by the way”.

Old habits die hard, I can never be brief and concise…and trust the reader to understand…I impose, I suppose and well…that’s how I compose :D

That was bad attempt at being funny…but one has to try and start somewhere…

So coming back to moot… post packing all the stuff…I suddenly had this intense desire to clean my house… you know sweep the floor and clean it again with Detol (the maids on leave and I dread a dusty or dirty home)…so there I was sweeping and mopping…and by the end of it I was so bushed…that I needed a quick nap…which I did (a power nap….I have discovered the power of a potent power nap …and its ability to energize. Us insomniacs have to improvise)...So a quick 15mins…then a quick shower…fresh set of clothes, some Chanel no.5 on the pulse points (for feeling groovy!)… put on my Tod flats..I was all set to go.

Dropped off mom and KP and they bid me well…and then that was it…OMO again…

So, here I am now, writing this, awaiting for my Air Taxi…writing and looking around…listening and watching and writing and then again looking over here and there…drawing conclusions and decoding the behavior of human beings and wondering (or agonizing) over the fact that why cant a gaggle of women sitting right behind me speak slowly and softly…and why must they make their surrounding sound like a market place…where is the civility and decorum I say?!?!?! Any why ?oh! why? Oh! Why? is there no free WIFI at the airport… try as much as I want I cant connect to any of the ports around here.

Agony! Agony! Agony!

There you see… so much to say…but don’t know how to begin with anything and wit that thought I’ve almost come to the end!!!

Now, I must wonder what to say at the end…how to begin the end. Endings...like beginnings are awkward (I mean none of us ever came at the beginning of anything, and nor are we going to be around when things end… we sort of come somewhere in between…live our lives…and that’s it. So, I say who knows anything about beginnings or endings… we can try to conjure up one sequence of things or the other…but we never really know how to …be it when it comes to writing or evolution…so any thought…but dunno the sequence or how to of it all).

We are all in between…something, somewhere…somehow.

Cozy Tomato!

2010-03-30T23:13:00.000+05:30

....or rather also known as Koji Tomoto , is a fantastic Japanese Illustrator.
The first time i saw this chaps work was in the Monocle...and I was sure as good smitten!
This is apparently retro style of drawing and he is featured very often in adverts, editorials, magazines ( this is how I discovered him).

His illustrations are so happy and cute and clean and simply and so easy on the eye( and mind!)....Everytime I see his work I'm much smiling :)

Check out his work here.

Oh and BTW...simply loved the name : Cozy Tomato! :D

Of Art imitating Real Life

2010-03-30T00:35:00.001+05:30

Mid this year, Paris is hosting the works of Edvard "Scream" Munch. And his most famous painting apparently is not going to be on view. The exhibition is on July the 18th 2010.

To be honest, I'm not very detailed on art. At least, not lately. As a kid... we went around many an art gallery, dominantly European. Vinci;Van Gogh, Rembrandt, Manet, Paul Gaugin and Picasso... formed the bulk of our little education. The only Munch I saw ( or rather remember was Scream)

I could not understand styles then...I merely categorized them and beautiful or ugly. What I do remember, is that when I saw " Scream" ...I was not particularly enthused. It was not quite appealing at least at first sight...it was well... ugly to me.

Then there was /is MTV that never lets me forget that one.

So , coming back to now...When I read that there is more to Mr. Munch ( he is Norwegian, Circa : 1863-1944)...I did get curious. His most famous painting is not going to be on display.

So, I started looking up his work..he has many " thematic" ones...and while, I really cant comment on technique or style... I can say one thing for sure, these very sad ( in the subtext ) and seemed largely experience oriented or deeply felt.

I'm still not so sure, if his art appeals to me...but I do realize he is very vivid and that must be appreciated.

-----------------------

Its the next day...and I'm just glad yesterday is over.

I survived the day (...and something crummy like Despair I guess she was probably...lurking around me somewhere today.)

I also survived a few more things for instance a) The hilarious " Breaking News" on TV...that of Sania Mirza is marrying Shoaib Mallik ( what do we care, and why is it making prime time headlines???).

Beats me...and I thot that the " The Week That Wasn't" came only once a week. Well..I go wrong...no arguments on that.

(Was Delirium all around too...I mean not just me...but everywhere ?)

And then there was b) I surviving the mild "carb attack" in the evening...I was weak...I have no excuse, but I'm only human... ( seems Desire too visited me).

c) I also have had to put up with a nice little bruise on...of all the places ...my else and more specifically ...my funny bone ( its black and blue now). Ask me how I got it...I banged against a chair at home accidentally. ( or was it Destiny's doing)

and all of this started with last nights sleep...didn't go well... awoke with a sore neck ( did not Dream deep enough?)

De ...is for lots of thing :D

2010-03-28T23:21:00.000+05:30

I dont know any more....for now.
I've never felt so blank...so emotionally blank.
What or Who am I doing all of this for ?Why?

Heartman, I miss you...I really, really, really do.

Sade

2010-03-20T01:15:00.001+05:30

Oh! Sade....

Where have you been ? Bring on my cup of mellow melancholy.

Soldier Of Love :

I've lost the use of my heart But I'm still alive Still looking for the life The endless pool on the other side It's a wild wild west I'm doing my best

I'm at the borderline of my faith, I'm at the hinterland of my devotion In the frontline of this battle of mine But I'm still alive

I'm a soldier of love. Every day and night I'm soldier of love All the days of my life

I've been torn up inside (oh!) I've been left behind (oh!) So I ride I have the will to survive

In the wild wild west, Trying my hardest Doing my best To stay alive

I am love's soldier!

I wait for the sound (oooh oohhh)

I know that love will come (that love will come) Turn it all around

I'm a soldier of love (soldier of love) Every day and night I'm a soldier of love All the days of my life

I am lost but I don't doubt (oh!) So I ride I have the will to survive

In the wild wild west, Trying my hardest Doing my best To stay alive

I am love's soldier!

I wait for the sound

I know that love will come I know that love will come Turn it all around

I'm a soldier of love I'm a soldier

Still waiting for love to come Turn it all around (4x)

I'm a soldier of love I'm a soldier

Still waiting for love to come Turn it all around (3x)

Still waiting for love to come

Meaningful Conversations

2010-03-20T01:04:00.003+05:30

Here is something very interesting by Matthias Mehl, a psychologist at the University of Arizona .He says in a study ( and I quote from an article recently on the web on this ) ...."he proposed, substantive conversation seemed to hold the key to happiness for two main reasons: both because human beings are driven to find and create meaning in their lives, and because we are social animals who want and need to connect with other people.

“By engaging in meaningful conversations, we manage to impose meaning on an otherwise pretty chaotic world,”

Dr. Mehl said. “And interpersonally, as you find this meaning, you bond with your interactive partner, and we know that interpersonal connection and integration is a core fundamental foundation of happiness.”

This makes complete sense....I mean how many times do we make facile conversations...small talk about the weather...asking about " how you doing" " all well"... without any meaning.

I say this from experience...the deeper and more meaningful a conversation I've had ... the more strongly I've been able to relate ...or have wanted to relate. I utterly despise clueless..meaningless..chatter...I mean it's so jaded...

We are indeed all in the hunt of our meaning...individual, existential ...its good always to know we have troops with a similar feeling

On My Own or The Many Ways Imagination Is Useful To Make Peace With My World.

2010-03-20T00:06:00.000+05:30

Three Days Grace-running thru my head and I think I could keep playing. …Born Like This .You know I’m pretty sure I could spend a lot of time being a vagabond on a surreal level.

Ok cut to reality…spent the day just sifting thru moments and let the ‘lets go’ take control. Drove down town, just to see if I could stand the atmo even on my day off, seems like I could! I do surprise my self and I don’t really know if it’s a good thing. Time on the fast lane just makes you yearn for the usual. But imagination is potent…if its good or bad …its all relative and interchangeable…transmutable.

So there I was sipping my espresso con crème and nibbling on a peppery Panini at a joint that took forever to get to me and my needs.

Anyways, all this food after a good spin and a run- agility is important when you are dealing with “Presents”…they are so much a changing-I got myself observing in between my pretending to read. You see, I always carry a good book it is mighty helpful a tool for instance a) it’s a great camouflage and b) it has the potential to be an entertainer. Helps when the eye wants to take a back seat and the ears want to take control. Which was the case today. After a while physical sight can be optional, you just go by the inner compass… you give direction…it tells you the way… well sort of…mostly in riddles …but something is always better than nothing.

Being OMO has its advantages and mostly of the adventurous kind…BUT when going out with company…which in my case it mostly Heartman…(as I pretty much avoid everyone else now). I do believe the world around me disappears …I really don’t cognize anything…its just me and him…and our conversation…sometimes I don’t even know what he is talking or what I’m saying…I’m always just hoping the moment lasts for ever.

See…there you go, a perfect example of how one can forget “ Now” in company…but none of this ever happens when I’m OMO, I’m sort of always painfully alert.

And thus , I say, Imagination is important to make trifles interesting…whether it be college kids making conversation and me getting that “been there, done that “ feeling. Or it could be many other banalities to make wonder.

I get around I suppose there is nothing that the road cannot heal.

Its going to be a really long night--tonight…I know it is going to be unwittingly.

Mommy was right!

2010-03-17T15:37:00.000+05:30

It is sort of difficult to be very private now a days... with all the social networking we do. Sure you control privacy levels....but in reality you cant truly be innominate.
And that's why I personally believe that "anonymity is the new fame". If you can actually hold on to it!

Internet and its interconnectedness...is powerful. I would suppose say for instance, your friends on facebook or some more such, make for a good clue on your personality...and in totality your individual information can make for a good " social signature".

So all the old rules really do stand...what you mommy told you when you were a kid is as good as gold... be careful of the friends you make, you will be judged by the company you keep!

Its funny, how much ever you do try to progress... things just keep remaining the same.

Dream

2010-03-15T23:26:00.000+05:30

Dreams get sold everyday , every waking moment and in times of suspended animation.
Merchants sell you a chimera at every price point or none, after all...it is how you use your fantasy to define or pursue your own individual truth and reality that makes a vision valuable.
The truth is there is a huge sale and the price to be paid is very individual...you pay what you think...sometimes you pay nothing and sometimes you give your life and sanity to get sold to one.

The metaphysical realm is highly engaging and absorbing. From the utter unknown ...comes the known.
Like drawing light from darkness and not the other way round. You negotiate but only with you self and the veracity of any discretion is made with the tools of limited experience and eventually with the subtle art of deduction.

How do you decide on a Dream? How do you gather or conjecture which is right or not right? Suitable, attainable and viable?

Dream, like Delirium ( or Delight) is a realm of the mind. Would you at any point be dreaming or would you be delirious ( or delightful ? )
For the better or worse... you make the choice. How is not easy.

2010-03-14T23:23:00.001+05:30

This was a strange weekend...I had nothing on my mind.
The hours just slipped away...in a blur.
Time elapsed, and thats the only sense I have. Its all very strange.

Tomorrow, I shall plunge again into the everyday of nothingness and look forward to seeking Solitude: my sacred mood.

----

2010-03-10T00:26:00.001+05:30

Its always complicated when you're crossing the borders from badlands to somewhere...There is such a huge chance of relapse...such temptations to succumb, going back.

I've not been lazy lately, I've been stuck, Mighty tight... I thought I'd almost have no chance. I reckon, there always is...never quite in the way you want to see it. But its there.
Lesson lernt : Its important to SEE and SEE WELL.

-------------
You know, I'm kinda glad Hurt Locker won the Oscar for best picture... because I truly believed Avatar should not be the best pix... It was a technical marvel...and that's really all it was.
It was not a new story, It sort of moved me in a fairy tale kind of way...and none beyond.
When I think Avatar... I always think Blue...and thats it.

Now, Up in the Air... that left a great impression on me. Have not seen the Hurt Locker yet...so cant really opine...But Avatar...with best pix would have been sad.

I'm really also surprised at the relative exclusion of Inglorious Basterds from many awards! Christoph Waltz... truly deserved... but so did the movie in many other categories.

I'm also glad for UP ...it was really a favorite of mine...

More soon....… I.e. as soon as I get out of my "locker".

Harishchandrachi Factory

2010-02-22T00:21:00.002+05:30

I just saw this amazing movie : Harishchandrachi Factory...and what a pleasure to watch it was.
I am impressed, And I am broadly always impressed with Marathi plays and the movies lately...and this one was a particular gem.
It is supposedly one of the most expensive Marathi movies ever made ( at a Rs. 4Cr budget )

Much credit must be given to the director who so wonderfully made it entertaining to watch The Pioneer ...initiate an industry which is so huge today compared to many standards worldwide. The movie was bought about in comedic vein the initial strife and struggles of a truly amazing man, never romanticizing or over mooning or even eulogizing about it in anyway.

One clearly recognizes the challenges faced ( its is for the viewer to perceive many things - as is the movies undercurrent ) and does empathize with the protagonist...but the story in itself is well addressed and in a manner that is so charming...and does not fail to make you both laugh and think of how it all began. Yes charming is a word for this one.

As is the case with most inventions or attempts at new endeavors ...curiosity plays such a vital role...the yearning to know and desire to accomplish. This facet too is well displayed... thru many hillarious situations.

I especially loved the take on not simply patronizing and making a larger than life drama of this theme...which it could have easily become if the director had given way to sentimentality.

The protagonist triumph is a common mans triumph...it realistic...rationalistic ...and many times...hilarious ...just the way it can be in our normal lives.

The movie...incase you are trying to still guess is about Dadasaheb Phalke.

This is an 8/10 for me... a must watch for sure.

Fear

2010-02-08T16:47:00.001+05:30

so much of what you perceive, feel rationalize...impacts your every waking hour. ask the one who is kept awake by thoughts...he knows what its like.

thoughts can torment as much as they ease the mind. then there is a struggle with this battle every day. and its another story all together.

Why, do we do this to ourselves ? Why do we not keep ourselves selves gainfully employed...??? dont know.
I never know the answer. But usually when I try to go on a discovery trail...I'm usually scared...scared out of my wits. I don't have the courage to go forth further and dwell.

I fear.

2010-02-08T15:23:00.002+05:30

Disillusionment is dangerous situation

The Treasures of Sierra Madre

2010-02-08T14:45:00.001+05:30

One of the best things done over the weekend was watching " The Treasures of Sierra Madre"....what a classic and what a movie!
Adapted from the novel by the mysterious author B Traven...this is a classic story of how Greed corrupts the mind.
This movie has dealt such an amazing treatment to morality issues, its visually stunning in B/W and very ironic as the story ends.
Dobbs ( played by Humphrey Bogart) who is trying to make two ends meet on the street of Tampico ( Mexico) accosts Curtin ( Tim Holt)who is in a similar down and out situation. They chance upon Howard ( Walter Houston) at a flophouse who inspires them to go prospecting for Gold with his stories. Dobbs, drawn by the idea of striking gold...sets off with the two.
The story then proceeds accounting for their journey up the mountains and how Dobbs mind is filled with paranoia and distrust along the way...

This movie is extremely realistic...and its something that very well could have happened and does happen and can happen. Its not for the faint heart , who expect a happy ending and believe all is well in the end.

Humphrey Bogart played a role like never before...very different than that of what he ever played and goes on to play later in his life. He plays an intense character and you see so clearly how corrosive the power of greed is as Bogart's character goes down and down ...

Much of course has also got to do with John Houston who directed and thought it out so vividly. One gets a glimpse of the director as he plays a short stint of a well off American in Tampico from whom Bogart asks some money....

Old Movies esp the B/W variety is really a matter of taste and many of us of today's generation...find them way too "sentimental" or "corny"...but The Treasures of Sierra Madre...catches one by surprise...its relevant and gripping tday as it was back then.

It a definite watch and 10/10 for me.

Ginger Tea

2010-02-02T23:05:00.001+05:30

A lot of things tend to disappoint...sometimes you disappoint yourself with the expectations you keep of the world.

then maybe all you need is a good cup of hot ginger tea.

The Rules of The Game

2010-01-26T19:26:00.000+05:30

I just saw an oldie : The Rules of the Game, a Jean Renoir film.
And this I must say-is one amazing movie... in lot of aspects.

At the first view, it's a very light movie but with strong portrayal of the bourgeois of that age ( probably even of now...). It highlights the artificiality and vacancy of emotions.

The story is about rich folks and a party that they attend and the amorous tensions between the leading characters. For a film made in 1939, it seems ahead of its time and I've read that it was a failure at first...or rather for a very long time. The French didn't take to well to it.

Cut back to today and my view on it...well its just so very thought provoking...and very well made cinematographically.
They called this one the film of films...I can probably understand why.
I don't think I can judge this one...It was a time I could not relate to...but yes...the emotional part...its around still...pretty much everywhere...

I recommend this as a definite watch...must watch even.

2010-01-26T02:01:00.001+05:30

Saluting You...

Of Vicky Cristina Barcelona, and Sleep and Quiet

2010-01-26T01:59:00.002+05:30

It was not an easy day, especially considering I was very withdrawn ( a much needed state for me), however..I had sleep the nite before, albeit an aided one..of which Heartman did not approve.
He is right, but sometimes you don't have a choice. I'm not the one to go into explanations.

Been listening to Five for Fighting, nice guy . He has nice lyrics and rhythm. I'm also trying to discover Three Days Grace...hoping something makes sense. It better soon! I usually can't tolerate conundrums for too long..especially the Life variety. I need somethings substantial for sure...soon. I also think I cant tolerate being a grown up any more. Grown - ups have no imagination or the spirit. And unless you hold on to what you have of these two, time is usually going to assume you don't need them with age ...and it beings to fade the intensity of the two elements...

Also, maybe sometimes it is easier when I dont need to explain anything...just the quiet is good

Saw Vicky Cristina Barcelona, it's an interesting movie, thats one thing for sure.
At first, you kind of get overwhelmed by the star cast Javier Bardem, Penelope Cruz and Scarlett Johansson. Then it's the lighting or the "color" in which its shot...its beautiful...mellow.
And the there is the dreamy story-line..the classic head vs heart..tagicom...well maybe...

To be fair the movie actually belongs to Javier and Penelope..who are so wonderful as a team.
The story line : Vicky ( Rebecca Hall) and Cristina ( Scarlett)...are two Americans, with contrary philosophies on life, both out in Barcelona, one ( Vicky) working on her masters in Catalan culture while Cristina accompanies her on her trip ( she being the adventurous free spirit) ...they land up meeting Juan Antonio- (Javier) the city's best painter who works thru them ( he is good with both the canvas and women) and Maria Elena -(Penelope), who plays his positively crazy ex wife...

Narrated in 3rd person, this movie feel like a personal story...it feels real. Of course you know its Woody telling you the tale ( dirty old man!! )...And it's a very seductive story at that.
This is the real rom com :)
Its nice to see Woody back after his totally weird Match Point, and his very obvious picturization of his excessive infatuations ( not that it's missing in this one..but at least its well done).

My favorite is Maria Elena ( Penelope)...I mean this one is so hilarious...every time you see her on the screen she is just a bundle of Spanish energy.

It's a 7.5/10 for me and a recommended watch from me.

----

2010-01-21T23:47:00.001+05:30

"Why does it seem like none of us, know what we are doing" Why Indeed?
Everyone I know, is seemingly always lost...no one really knows, we all pretend to, but we really don't. We have no clue of the world.
Many things we don't understand...but we believe.

-------------------

I like it when there is absolutely nothing to do, when there is no choice...no scope of distraction.
Imposed quiet can be very redeeming.

----

2010-01-20T23:38:00.000+05:30

Is it me? Or am I the only one who believes that Avatar didn't need to win the Golden Globe for the best picture?
I mean, it's a great movie, a great fantasy...it probably should have won for all the technical marvels of the making and direction...But best movie??? I dunno... I hope the Oscars do a bit of a better job.
------

One of the better things of the day was realizing that while I did have a gap in playing my game...my forehand is still in place...I need to sharpen my backhand...but I can play... I can keep going... Today I have not disappointed my self too much.
Thats a comforting thought, especially these days when I'm playing cloak and dagger with skepticism...even moonlighting as a critic.
Cynicism is a legitimate virtue nowadays ---they tell me. So why hide? I dunno, I guess obviousness gives me a headache.
--------

Heartman, I miss you...more than ever ...especially today.

2010-01-17T21:37:00.002+05:30

Today was truly very depressing. If I asked why .. I would get the same reply.
I would get silence and an admonition to introspect.

Sometimes, trying is not enough...then, I ask -- what is ?? Because, quite frankly. And I don't get an answer.

I need some sleep, to re affirm my faith, that at the very least.Please.

I'm with Conan

2010-01-14T23:56:00.000+05:30

Just for the record...I'm with Team Conan

New Year; Sherlock Holmes, 3 Idiots

2010-01-14T23:48:00.000+05:30

Finally, I reconcile that the " New Year" is here... it didn't feel much that way for a while. So I have sort of accepted the fact.
Being away towards the end of the last was nice, given that I was preluding the new year very, very far away from familiar territory. Sometimes you pick up some good eccentricities and ideas and they give you something akin to a booster shot that keeps you going for a while. But eventually, your cheer only depends on your ability to keep embracing what you know and what you have to keep knowing.

More often than not, I guess..an individuals madness...keeps him sane.

------
I saw 2 real nice movies since the 1st a) 3 idiots and b) Sherlock Holmes.
Both real high on the entertainment quotient front.

Holmes, got a complete revamp from the Basil Rathbone format I have known. Downey Jr does a mean job of the character and if it were not for the name...the title ...it would have been any other detective themed movie.
London...was that the London of Holmes time??? And look at Holmes and Watson...dont they look like vagabonds ....street smarties ?? Grimey!
The whole thing seemed larger than life...everthing about it had a superhuman quality...sets, the bumbling partner( Jude Law... you are yummy), the fights...the chase...
Then again this is Guy Ritchie's Holmes...not quite Doyle's ..

all in all it was an interesting take ,cant say it was a great take, but surely an engaging one
Its 6.5/10 for me...its a good watch.

----------

I also saw 3 Idiots... and right now...it really does not matter what any one says...its a good entertainer...well timed for todays audience.

---------

Its really taken me a while to get into the groove again... I was enjoying my oblivion far too much...but things being the way they are....and one gets what ever one does--- a lifetime.

The Catstrophe of My Personality

2009-12-21T23:20:00.001+05:30

I slept pretty late last nite, and you can imagine the morning was not easy at 5:30 am.

In somnolence, is a strange company for the mind. Engaging, but eventually very draining.
Sometimes, you never can get enough of vivid thinking. Maybe that in itself is immaturity.
Knowing how to draw a line is very important as is knowing how to make a circle.

Sometimes I don't want to think and then sometimes, I am reminded of Frank O'Hara:

"Now I am quietly waiting for
the catastrophe of my personality
to seem beautiful again,
and interesting, and modern.

The country is grey and
brown and white in trees,
snows and skies of laughter
always diminishing, less funny
not just darker, not just grey.

It may be the coldest day of
the year, what does he think of
that? I mean, what do I? And if I do,
perhaps I am myself again."

2009-12-18T01:04:00.002+05:30

Do we have Michelin rated restaurants in India?

Its strange not to have a gourmet guide or a gastronomical benchmark of sorts for a food indulgent country that we are.
We seem to have such a mosaic of cuisines , so many flavors and equal number of food joints to boot...that we could do with some serious critical appreciation of the preparations by a known and possibly a respected authority.

Next to spirituality, food is so chromosomal to us Indians. Its time we did something constructive contemplation about it. Our bulging bellies could do with quality bulge!

2009-12-15T21:50:00.002+05:30

As we go about life , "Priority" becomes an important word. Whether we learn this concept sooner or later...its an aspect we need to understand in all of its contexts.

People like me learn it the hard way very often....that's why we fail.

Rocket Singh : Salesman of the Year

2009-12-14T23:26:00.005+05:30

Had a bit of a longish weekend, being ill on a Friday does have it privileges...I get to do a little bit more of the nothing I usually intend.

So this weekend, the Sis and I decide to watch Rocket Singh : Salesman of the Year.

On the first note, I'm glad for a change that I don't see all the prancing and the dancing in an essentially commercial cinema...it could be so that this is low budget and that's why...but I think I would leave to the movie makers to have fully realized the futility of keeping one in this one.

There is very little doubt that this movie is all about Ranbir ( who is getting to be /already is- your regular charmer), But I also get this strange sense that slowly...he is getting ( if not very obviously so) intentionally typecast. He is talented indeed...but now the feeling is that we know his act.

That having said, I must hand it over to both Jaideep Sahni and Shimnit Amin for making a straight forward movie with out any fanfare...glossy or crassy bits either by way of dialogue or portrayal. What is likable is the fact that they play to reality, nothing is overdone..and everything is very relatable. We can see these characters around us...no one is either too good or too bad...they just are trying to do the best in their lives and living the circumstance.

Does honest to goodness theme work nowadays...especially in a scheming and conniving world we are made to believe we live in?

Maybe its just a reflection of what each one of us wishes for, that we need things simple and fair.

And that's why this one brings a smile to you face.

There are a few poignant moments where earthy psalms are spoken...but one that got me the most is the conversation or rather the life lesson that Harpreet's ( the protagonist's )ex boss : Mr. Puri( the antagonist) gives.

The movie can be perceived as mundane but only when compared to the plastic goop we get strewn with, but its good to see a realistic commercial cinema...ala mode ( Ranbir)!

This is a good one...6/10

2009-12-10T11:04:00.002+05:30

i have a strange sense of closure now days, almost like marking the end of something.
I cant seem to make out much though...I don't know if the feeling is good or bad... or if its the beginning of something..
All I know is that something has just ended.

2009-12-03T10:29:00.003+05:30

Over the past few days as I observe myself and those around me...i realize more than ever how fragile we all are with our supposed " insecurities" and mental make up.
I find it even more intriguing ---witnessing,how all of us are actually uncomfortable and need so much more of reaffirmation of our roles in life.
I bet if " affirmation" came in a can...it would sell like hot cakes...but one can only imagine the ego-monsters we would become!
There is a flip to everything.

There is plenty of reading and movie watching left to do over the week end....if only if I could find time for all the nothing I want to do :D

2009-11-30T17:40:00.001+05:30

I do know, I will have to work very hard to get back into my groove, today is just not working out at all.

2009-11-24T21:54:00.001+05:30

I feel so near, yet so far far away...

2009-11-23T00:14:00.001+05:30

I saw Carey's A Christmas Carol and caught up with Almodovar's All about my mother...

both excellent movies in their genre...more on those... soon.

A Walk In Winter

2009-11-22T23:28:00.003+05:30

Its never really much of a winter around here...but sometimes as the year draws to a close... the temperatures come off and yes...while there is not much of a physical semblance of the change in season... seasons are changing in the mind.

It gets cold...and difficult...walking the streets...hounds of winter calling out... the wind dances ...and there is a need for the wood fire...a hot glass of cocoa...

Reverie takes on a whole new meaning...sometimes progressive...sometimes repentant... sometimes expectant....there is so much subtle undercurrents...they never boil... they cant coz its cold...but you can feel them ...so many of them

I think, one hears a lot of murmurs for hope... almost as a desperate need shouting out.

Its the only reliable warm blanket for our mind...it may not change much, but sure can keep one warm ....for the time being.

I'm not sure many times what to make of the quiet cold.... there is a lot of indecision amongst all the ponderings...its sometimes almost like a stausquo situation. I yearn to know a logical conclusion...then I think sometimes its best the way it is...not knowing could be good enough .

Me and Sandman

2009-11-19T00:27:00.003+05:30

I'm not sure what I wanna write tonite.....

I think me and the Sandman just dont have an understanding, I dont think we acknowledge each others terms of endearments.

Our relationship is rocky... I hardly see him at night now a days.

Sometimes, when it gets crazy, I need to seduce him with a drug. But then the mornings are never easy...drugs take time to wean away.

I'm desperate to get to land of nod at night even if its for a percious few hours...but, Im always denied by him...left waiting at the gates...till Wakefulness comes calling again.

2009-11-17T12:29:00.002+05:30

whats the point in getting better...as soon as you reach there...its just down hill once again.
I don't think I have the strength to keep rejuvenating again and again.

I know right right now that I'm pretty close to giving up

2009-11-16T23:59:00.001+05:30

dreams bursting at the seams....

2009-11-16T00:39:00.002+05:30

i think its like living @ a boarding school...really!

...hate to get to the school everyday

...spend the evenings doing homework

...going to bed...lonely in the mind and soul

...weekends...barely bearable...,

I still cant go home...there is so much silence...so much lonliness.

I look forward to the long vacations when I get to be with heartman...thats home...

When I was kid, I always used to wonder what it would be like living in boarding school, away from all...

i guess its like they say....be careful of what you think.

-----------

On a seperate note, I saw Snow White...Disney's digitally remastered version ...got myself some more movies to watch, stuff like Akira Kurosawa and more of Pedro Almodovar and Jean Renoir, I guess its always good to figure our what good minds spin in their minds...movies are usually a good weave of emotional and intellectual texture.

I also picked up Roald Dahl's books...they came in a box pack of many stories...blew some money to specifically read Fantastic Mr. Fox... especiallly since Wes Anderson is making a movie out of. Ended up reading 3 books already...as u can fathom...I am hooked.

I not reading too much depth over the past few days...mostly because Ive been needing some time to clean up the "attic",...want to create space to accept more.

Its been a thing...ive been mulling over for a while...

I wanna explore the deeper side of me...I want to go way beyond contemplation...beyond the masks I wear every day. Get back to being. Being...the one I was a long time ago...and dwell beyond the surface.

-----who knows---how long it will be before I get to it----till then its just the way it is.

2009-11-13T09:55:00.001+05:30

Death Eaters!!...Death Eaters!!!....everywhere...got to run...real fast.

Mad Men; Waltz with Bashir; Triplets of Belleville; Curious George

2009-11-11T01:11:00.002+05:30

I've been happy with the stuff Ive been watching lately...sensible...sensitive...funny...

I guess, when you tire out of ideas that keep making themselves redundant and irrelevant...its good to get to being back to being human... the real picture never fails...even if its from the 60's to now.

We all face the same issues...maybe circumstances administer themselves differently...but answers broadly remain the same. Nothing mathematical about this...its just that very often, deep down... we all the same things.

War portrayed..is still horrific..in retrospect or prospect, friendship...means the same in every theme of life...and noting succeeds like success or fails like failure...we feel happy and sad the same way.

Its reassuring to know that at the end of the day... we really are the same...behind all the paint...mime...same rhythm and rhyme.

Mad Men...is an excellent series... Waltz with Bashir...makes you hate war even more...Triplets of Belleville...is all about Friendship and Bonding...Curious George is so very endearing .

This is really good stuff.

2009-11-11T00:45:00.002+05:30

Something about Walking in Memphis...maybe its the tune...the words...it gets me every time.

So,its really late right now...and I dunno if I want to do tomorrow :)...yeah with me its the same tune over and over again....somethings never change.

Ive been reading up stuff lately, you the stuff you would carry on a bus then leave the paper behind type...totally meaningless...not that this is anything new...but thin is in vogue now days...more than it has ever been. Women...come on!!

And this is not just being fit...but its all about being skinny..

Its all over the place, you cant escape it... at office..every ones gymming crazy...eating less or on a diet...reading the "skinny bitch" likes its now or never.

News pours in of how mummies to be are keeping exceeding in shape...and taking just weeks to get back to ravishing goddesses...( or yummy mummies... as they call them).

30 yr olds behave like they are 16..., 40 year olds about 18...basically everyone is under 20 nowdays. Either you work the body or inject your face with stuff.

wow! physicality is so everything now...you are taken seriously coz u look pretty...

Heck, im not denying looking good is important...it is...but surely not for the reasons it gets done.

What an attention seeking lot we are....and superficial to boot.

Now where is that pedometer of mine ;)

idealogical fix

2009-11-08T23:14:00.003+05:30

sometimes I get quiet annoyed with myself...for not being able to think beyond my sphere of activity or reality. I do know that there is so much more around...but somehow I am constricted by my mind to only so freely roam in my realm.

I think I'm stuck with the ideological fix of just my life.

I do honestly try to venture out....but strangely...i cant seem to shake the pain or the utter dislike of my very amusing situation.

Heartman cant help here...he tries so hard.

When it is work that defines you... your mind stereotypes.

I'm tired of these 9-5 games.

I want to believe I am capable of more and happy at that. I want to believe that what I think that defines is an an obstacle...not a path to happiness.

But this is a drug...you swallow every Sunday night...and whose effects only being to wear off Friday night.

happiness is such a fleeting horizon.

I'm glad for the few constants.

Of Thinking, Feeling, Blanks and Reality Checks

2009-11-01T23:30:00.005+05:30

It was a planned hiatus...I was wanting very badly to understand my feelings for a lot of things around me. Sometimes, there is so much to feel and then, there is nothing at all..just a blank state of affairs.

So many things don't mean there is any choice that is a eventuality...sometimes choices are a whole lot of noise...and then there is perceptible cognitive dissonance.

I was hoping the break would serve its intention...to just be and let the wandering mind find an answer without being subjected to openly do so.

I do know that I don't want to be stuck in any which way...and its strange coz the harder I delve inside of me...I know the truth is I am. A lot of us are. We try to draw the line for " accommodation"...in many spheres or the many realities of our lives.

But its a strange world we live in...sometimes our realities are so surreal...so not understandable...and I often feel defeated in my forever attempt to remain strong and restrained thru it all.

What often bugs me is the forced optimism of our era. The phenom of just thinking happy or just thinking everything is going just fine...I hate propaganda of this make believe...

It sways you from thinking realistically..optimism is essential in the right measure it is not the entire measure...and this has taken me a while to come to.

Ideologies are everywhere...so many soothsayers are making money this way...all of us need a road to follow in the hope that it is the one that will lead us somewhere...

But the truth is there is no one single road... we all have our own paths to make. We need to make make them... draw our own map... pave our own way.

Optimism only helps to the extent of making us believe we can... but beyond that, its really hard work and whole lot of thinking thru circumstances and being critically circumspect.

I think, I lost my way ...I lost a lot of me...and when I realised there is so much missing inside...that I have become empty...is when I realised I needed to back off. So many vague fears , unspecified feelings ...unknown ambitions and dreams....

I could not keep running...my feet were giving away...they had given up long time ago...I didn't realise it though. Where was my ground...what was I running on...had I been disillusioned...had I been dreaming?

Just being for the past so many days was a way ....sometimes silences are a great salvo. Sometimes a cup of tea in a favourite corner helps....sometimes distances are useful.

I don't think I have really arrived at any answer... I just know I am at the moment curing my disillusionment...the vagueness and lack of vision.

It is so important for me to see thru my brains than let the heart take over.

Ice Queen

2009-09-07T12:20:00.004+05:30

Anna Wintour is an inspiration in ways... a woman who got to where she wanted to be.
Bit of an enigma --- steely, cold types.
The Woman has her rationale, knows what would work and was/is adamant about it. And , honestly...why not ? If one is so sure.

Vogue certainly is the classiest of them all.

Not many women have such a mental make up...as some would say---akin to a man.

I'm pretty sure if Anna was a Man...she would be far more favorably held...

However, society's perception of such women has never been too kind...often considered to be cold bitches. So she sort of remains ....ice queen.

Lot of women now a days are ruthless and purposeful and I've had a chance to come across a few... ;)
What does throw me off is that not all are single minded and talented..a majority of the lot are nothing short of power hungry...insipid and vain.

To boot some can be some can be pretty demeaning and lack any purpose at all....I know these too.

I guess...Its really only when you know... you really know. Its difficult to read people as a group...leave alone women! And that's coming from a woman !

Hmm

Writer and Alcohol

2009-09-03T18:09:00.002+05:30

Here is something I just read :
Donald Goodwin in his book “Alcohol and the Writer” apparently wrote:

Writing involves fantasy; alcohol promotes fantasy. Writing requires self-confidence; alcohol bolsters confidence. Writing is lonely work; alcohol assuages loneliness. Writing demands intense concentration; alcohol relaxes.

Bring on the booze I say...he forgot us from the Equity Markets

Gutenberg's Press.

2009-09-03T17:41:00.009+05:30

An ongoing poll is trying to gauge the most influential year of all time...in the reckoning with thus far the highest votes is 1439- the year of Gutenberg's Press.
The written word has been the most influential...nothing ever just said or talked about has really survived...what has, is print...passed down from generation to generation since, with the power of of-course-- recourse.
But is the western centric theme for press...aptly makes it the most important year?? maybe not...words were written down as early as Mesopotamia, Ancient India, Egypt.
I guess probably one of the most important themes has been the " written word"...the date can be debatable.

Kaminey

2009-08-30T20:36:00.005+05:30

Just caught up with Vishal Bharadwaj's newbie " Kaminey"...and what can I say...I so love these dark-hilarious - twisted tales :)

What stands out, apart from the story and its execution, is the fact that its so flawlessly executed by each and every character ( and there are many!!)...all of them at once interesting and engaging.

The movie, all so wonderfully put together by the master Vishal Bharadwaj, is one hell of a roller coaster ride...its dizzying and enjoyable at the same time...and how many times do you come across a movie that does this to you?...shake you up...is in your face...true to life and makes you think ? Not many really. Also...I dunno how many gangsta Indian movies have left me thinking and laughing at the same time?

Its more important to note and be reassured of the fact that quality cinema is here to stay and thank God of for such entertainment.

Shahid Kapoor ,ofcourfe, is amazing! He lookf awfome deliverf awfome...now here is a true ftar!

The reft of the caft Priyanka Chopra ,Chandan Roy Fanyal, Amole Gupte, Tenzing Nima...were very apt and wonderfully caft in their rolef...i really would like to fee more of thefe guyf...

Thif is an 8/10 and a DEFINITE WATCH for me :)

Truly Deeply Madly

2009-08-25T22:57:00.003+05:30

You know...sometimes I think that this brain and heart ,which in me are usually disconnected, have an invisible connection...really...else why on earth would I like a movie like Rab ne bana di jodi ??? why why? pray tell me? why do i feel the characters every time I watch it...its the only Hindi movie Ive seen like 3x...and that is one tremendous thing...really...its freaky...its unusual...

but yeah...my heart and brain...seem to be in consonance in liking this one.

I think I'm sick...very sick...or may be...just so very truly, deeply, madly in love ;)

Cozy

2009-08-24T23:19:00.002+05:30

Now...really what can be more soothing than a warm bath, hot cuppa, cozy blanket and the endless expanse of the mind....

if only i didn't need to get up to get to work tom... who knows what tomorrow holds.

But at least I have now :)

Emotional Overload

2009-08-23T21:21:00.002+05:30

So, my whole town was around over the last 15 days...and with today...I'm back to being on my own.

Its funny how addictive "peopling" your life can be. I do try to avoid the closeness that seeps in...mostly to avoid the "vacancy" that comes eventually with some time. The pain none the less is hard to escape.

With heartman its especially very difficult...this time space warp we are in and pretty much everytime...we get together...its pretty soon time to leave. Heck, its like a tape played all over again and again and again...

He saying dont worry...me saying yeah sure...he saying be a good girl and me ...no my eyes...its like its a auto flood cue.

I was hoping, I only needed to deal with identity crisis most of the time...but this emotional overload that comes with feelings and bonding..its a different level all together.

I never tink I am ready, I dont know if I ever want to be...but this much is for sure...nothing is really ever waiting for you to said "ok"...you have just got to keep walking with everything...all the way.

Today was a really long day...it began at 2:30 in the morning...and I'm still figuring our how much more.

2009-08-17T22:38:00.000+05:30

Oh Boy! Oh Boy! Oh Boy! : My First Coach and My First Lowe!

Stuck

2009-08-14T17:50:00.003+05:30

noting ever remains the same...its a lesson i get taught many times..but strangely find it difficult to learn...people change...situations change... sometimes the blues hit you...life goes on.
Sometimes, I cant seem to..really, I cant. I remain stuck and it hurts.

2009-08-05T22:52:00.000+05:30

Its four seasons in one day for me .....feel a little ravaged

Harry Portter & The Half Blood Prince

2009-07-19T20:07:00.004+05:30

The New instalment of Harry Potter, is technically perfect..all the right gimmicks at the right time and the right place...but I think I'm getting a little to eager to fast forward.

My first impression was that this was more of a coming of age of Harry and his friends and finally realizing who do they feel the most for.....unarguable there are so many hormones raging here!

As we get closer to the ultimate showdown... the excitement is completely set in for me, and the real reason for that despite having read the ultimate Deathly Hallows..is a)the director: David Yates. The movie is very true to the book and I simply long to see every time the technical wizardly from the book or imagination down on to the screen.

And also b) much credit must be given to the excellent character execution by Alan Rickman ( Severus Snape), Michael Gambon ( Dumbledore) and Jim Broadbent (Horace Slughorn). these triumvirate truly play their parts to perfection.

Of the three...Harry, Ron and Hermione...Ron was fun...completely fun!

7/10 for me

Four Movies and a Weekend

2009-07-12T18:30:00.003+05:30

Sometimes...things are never quite the way they seem and never the way we plan. That's a truism.

Fault find exercises are in vain...its just destiny/fate... the way things are meant to be.

I was so looking forward to a hassle free weekend with heartman...not meant to be...

Heck, what was meant to be was some amazing movie watching, I mean if there is anything that came out of it all...its watching some great acting by some very very talented auteur's and thespians.

Michael Jackson : RIP

2009-06-26T10:29:00.001+05:30

Sure gonna miss the Music!

2009-06-24T23:35:00.002+05:30

Its becoming more of a regularity...I just feel I want to shut the whole world out.

Don't want to hear the blabbering TV or the constant barrage of "meaningless information" from anywhere and all the noise...its incredible ....the amount of it.

If only it was possible to cocoon one self...and then there are times when I really cant differentiate between sanity and insanity. It takes me a while to come around that. Then its not like I ain't tired of feeling this way, but sometimes I don't know if I even have a choice.

Then I realize, there is always a method to the madness... there is a cause.

10 Economic Indicators

2009-06-19T23:54:00.003+05:30

Ive junked out today...was a bit low and had no resistance left in me...had to bite into that pizza and eat some malteasers...

OK...here is something interesting. Kiplinger's got the 10 Quirky Economic Indicators. I mean if we can just stay away from all the interest rates, inflation, equity markets, real estate...the works...this is the real thing :

1) Packed Theaters : Coz its cheaper entertainment in a slump

2)Green Thumbs : Growing your own groceries!

3) First Dates : Misery loves company ;)

4)Romance Novels : Putting back a broken heart ( or wallet) together...with a book!

5)Droopy Eyes : Less Plastic Surgery

6) Droopy Eyes II: Sleepless Nights

7)Alligators!!: Yep the gator farm in Louisiana cant sell the hides to LV...no takers in a recession!

8)Goopy Eyes : The Eye makeup replaces the lipstick

9) Dry Cleaning : Lesser clothes for Dry Clean

10Mosquito Bites : Foreclosed/ Abandoned homes with large pools...breeding ground.

2009-06-07T23:38:00.001+05:30

Now if money wasn't a consideration....life would have been so different.

Beem me up scotty, i'm game for a different destiny.

Star Trek

2009-06-07T16:56:00.002+05:30

Just caught up with the reboot Star Trek 2009 and I have just one thing to say: WOW!!
The movie just blasts at you at warp speed with awesome thrills…what a roller coaster.
I mean this is how prequels should be, in other words JJ Abrams ROCKS!!!

The cast looks great, the storyline neat and well executed and leaves you wanting for more…I'm so pumped up now, I cant wait for the next installment.

I don’t really need to explain the story line, but...lets just say ...that the beginning of the best thrilling adventure starts here at the USS Enterprise….Live Long and Prosper!
The chemistry between Kirk and Spock is way cool…logic and rustic…they make for a great partnership. Even Nemo, the antagonist, is engaging.

One of my favorite bits was when young Kirk, the rustic Iowa kid drives his corvette over the cliff, not of course before escaping ...and as he clambers up from e edge..says to the cop " is there a problem?" woah!. Then when when asked for an ID responds "My name is James Tiberius Kirk."

Its was pretty clear till a while back that the Star Trek franchise was dulling out, JJ Abrams has not only revitalized it…but made it so much more engaging. This definitely is not taking away the credit of the original, but this is really special and a treat.

Chris Pine is very drool worthy and so is Zachary Quinto. Zoe Saldana as Uhura is so pretty! Chekov (Anton Yelchin) is cute and geeky. Only Sulu…was a bit flat.

With this movie the director is in full focus and has my respect :-)
This is an 8.5/10 for me and thank you for the entertainment.

Mentor

2009-06-05T22:54:00.001+05:30

Here is a truth that reveals in a bit : Mentors Disappoint -eventually.
Its not a good feeling after that.

2009-06-04T23:01:00.001+05:30

Sometimes, there is nothing better than cuddling up with Calvin and Hobbes, especially on a real long nite...

Conan O'Brien

2009-06-03T00:03:00.006+05:30

Its been such a long time since my last movie! I'm getting withdrawal symptoms ;)

But finally, movies are hitting the multiplexes...and boy! am I glad.

There is a lot going around and sometimes I wish I could blog more and not be continually bogged down by bad health.

Last to week have been particularly weired, it was akin to blowing a fuse...physically. It was painful...and you become so immobile and dead...every thought that passes thru the brain -hurts. I hate taking so many pills, its just so not fair, because with everyday, it just becomes harder to keep up a smiling face.

Anyways, I am going to try to forget this for now.

So! its finally Goodbye Leno and Hello Conan!! I admit, I am definitely gonna miss Leno...but I'm also looking forward to Conan. Heart of hearts, I did think the inaugural episode for Conan was a bit nervy, you could clearly see that he was very keen to make an impression on everyone who has been watching Leno for so long. But I'm pretty sure that once he gets into the groove of things, he is going to be fun.

I liked what I saw in the debut, the running to LA, Choco Taco jokes, the LA bus ride, the self depreciating , silly intellectual humour... the whole bit...unlike Leno ..different...nice.

I'm gonna keep fingers crossed for him. The only bit that's cheesing me off is Andy Richter....hmm.

The Best joke in my opinion

" I have to admit I think I’ve timed this moment perfectly. Think about it: I’m on a last-place network; I moved to state that’s bankrupt; and tonight’s show is sponsored by General Motors.”

Conan is pretty tall...at 6'4.5" ...... its always nice to see a sort of lean tall man with beady eyes crack silly jokes....so Simpson like !

2009-05-25T23:38:00.003+05:30

There is so much happening....Susan Boyle in the finals of Britons Got Talent, Ross Matthews new blog, finally getting my hands on the Watchmen, watching Caramel last nite, Rolland Garros...i could go on.

First up though is Ross's blog...i kinda like that fruity guy. His finale on Jay Leno ( best of Ross ) was full of all the hilarious moments while covering events and celebs etc...I'm trying to find it on you tube...will put it up soon.

------------

Over the last weekend , the B sent me a neat goody bag and with it came “Watchmen”. I have forever wanted to read it, especially since it is an Alan Moore and considering that I really liked The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. What I didn’t know, was that it’s apparently one of Time’s all time good reads. I’m done with about 50% of the book and I probably can guess why this book appeals. I’m kind of still ambivalent of psychological thrillers, those that mean to dig deeper into the idea of human thought and comprehension and the entire reality of our existence itself…naturally they do tend towards cynicism, I have no issues with cynicism's , its just the fact that there can be so much thought and complexity in life on a psychological level …it can get overwhelming.

The book paints the vulnerabilities of “ Super Heroes” and deconstructs them for us. At the end of it all…we hold nothing in awe .

Hmm

Maybe I’m weak, maybe I like my rose tinted glasses, I don’t know…but I do find myself unconsciously commenting : “ as if life isn’t tough enough already”. Sometimes, you are left with not much to believe in and/or question all that you believe in.

Then again its good to have perspectives I guess, its better to be in the know than not.

-------------

Movies are the drug for the time being

2009-05-10T22:35:00.004+05:30

Its been a long time...and I personally been thru a mind , space, time funk...really. MST put together is quite heady.

It all started with struggling for time...the need to put myself together as I find my self increasingly disassociating myself with certain lot in my mind. When I get the space...i struggle to compartmentalize it priority wise and then the mind takes out...wow...that whole lot bull to deal with :)

But as usual, Ive had some pretty movies Ive been watching that kept me from thinking....

Milk : this is really a good movie...and thru every bit Sean Penn shines thru( one of his best roles ever...it did remind me of I am Sam type of method acting...but heck...he was awesome). The surprise but was James Franco... though at times i did get the feeling that he would have been better off brooding for a gal than a guy... but he was good. 8.5/10

The Reader: Kate Winslet really shined here...though i felt Ralph Fiennes was a bit wasted. The movie is another in the pedigree of the holocaust genre and somehow got the sense of it been wanting to be too redemptive... 7/10

Last Chance Harvey : Flick that's all it was really...4/10

Ink Heart : Well, I'm actually not too sure...didn't like it much...it has a good storyline, but i think the movie makers messed this one up.4/10

Rumour Has It : What a waste of all that talent! 3/10

I'm kinda getting all revved up for the new Star Trek by JJ Abrams...after reading his stuff in Wired...I'm kinda really looking forward.

----

Its so silly, im actually listening to Tujh Main Rab Dikhta Hain from Rab ne bana di jodi...and feeling kinda funny...know what I mean...Heartman, I miss you... really :(

SPOCK OBAMA!

2009-05-10T22:29:00.002+05:30

Its funny how Maureen Dowd really puts it... but the pix is kinds funny!

Thomas Kutiman

2009-04-25T22:00:00.002+05:30

This is awsome...completely groovy! Like a mosaic...this music piece up by this Israeli musician is a complete genius. Check this out!

Lindsey Lohan on E Harmony

2009-04-22T21:35:00.001+05:30

This is extremely funny...Lindsey taking a dig at herself! Howlarious

2009-04-21T21:38:00.000+05:30

Happiness is such a fleeting feeling